Why start here.....?

Why start here.....

About 7 years ago I became a new mom. I was a young teacher, a drama director at a local high school, a friend, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a lover of knowledge, I sat on a board of directors.... I was a million and one things, but the one thing I felt was missing; was myself.

So what does one do when they lose themselves?

I could have acted like Pippin (musical theatre reference here) gone out into the field or country; try new things, meet new people, sing a couple of songs.... but I didn't.

I definitely wasn't like Elle (another musical theatre reference), or maybe I was, but instead of chasing after a guy I was really chasing after myself? I began gardening - didn't turn out great. I started directing more shows (and now I can't get either of my two kids off the stage), I pushed myself harder and faster. I was one of the 7 semi-finalist for the 2016 NH Teacher of the Year - who became deeply disappointed that I didn't get picked, even to the point where I questioned myself as a teacher. 

But yet, I still didn't feel like I had found myself.

So what does every young mother who grew up in their teens with the internet, social media, and cellphones do? You join a direct sales company. 

I know, I know. I know exactly what you're thinking. GREAT! Here we go - another pitch, another party, another drawer of useless stuff. I get it. I do. That's probably why after the first two years I stopped. I couldn't make the sales, didn't have the heart, and honestly... I had that nagging feeling - which I am sure most of you have had.... mom guilt. 

For those of you who haven't experience the "mom guilt" let me explain.... it's like Catholic guilt but only worst because you feel like it's totally your fault since you created the human that is (subconsciously) making you feel guilty. {Now imagine having mom guilt on top of Catholic guilt .... but that's a story for a different day}... so what do you do? You quit. 

Have you ever quit something? Have you told yourself that you felt better that you quit it? Like a weight was lifted off your shoulders? Was it though? I mean ... in reality, was this guilt actually lifted off your shoulders or did you just placed it into a new category? Maybe? For a little while at least. 

Eventually time goes on. You left that direct sales company. You maybe get promoted or maybe not. Maybe you find a new job with different hours or better pay to help you get rid of that mom guilt. Or maybe you don't. Your guilt has now changed into something else.... are the kids getting enough nutrients? When am I buying new clothes? Crap are they meeting these milestones? Darn it - this news or that news claim that this vaccine or that vaccine cause something and you spend your time researching, reading, asking Dr. Google (but really - please don't do that) or talking with the other moms in your 8000 mom groups on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, websites, or playgroups.... only to come to the same conclusion - I'm totally going to screw up my kids.

When you're done with you 8000 Mom groups, play dates, social meet ups, school project, bagged lunches, dinners, family time, laundry, house cleaning.... do you have any time left over for you?

I didn't. 

And maybe that's when I got lost.

So if you're still reading this - congratulations for making it this far and thank you. What's the whole purpose of this blog? It's for all the moms out there that are desperately trying to find themselves. 

It's about all things that have to do with girl time and sunshine... because lately with the pandemic and this new world we are living in... we could all use a little Girl Time 💄 and Sunshine. 🌞

Maybe I'll throw in some Disney.  

My son with his Easter eggs

My daughter and I being goofy